I was close to my exes family but as soon as we split I naturally and respectfully kept my distance. There must be some reason your family still wants him to be part of their lives. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? It must be very frustrating and painful for this lady . But they said they forgave her because she was struggling with it even though she was the one that talked of divorce first. You didn't mention his age. I had to go to therapy for it. Its too long to write about and most prior comments hold a piece of my story. If I hadnt kept close with my Ex-son-in-law, my grandson would be a distant memory. Omg i see that post is old by PLEASE if you see this let me know. Im hurting. My husbands ex still hangs with his family along with her new husband. I hope you find some balance. I do not believe that God would want anyone to stay in a toxic relationship i actually credit God for helping me to get out of it because it literally took a miracle. Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. Created a new life with friends. When I also looked back over these family relationships; I could see that they were nowhere near as reciprocal as the effort and love I put in. Most of all, I want you to truly accept that you are delusional. Just because your family gets along with your ex-husband and the father of your children, dont feel as though this is a threat to the bond YOU have with them. We were good friends, he backed off from my sister because he seen me alot, he still had feelings for me I did not. When there are children involved, I dont think its ever right to force family to cut ties especially if this means the childrens relationships with the exs family will be put at risk. It you leaving your family. Even my siblings that could see previous toxic dynamics in the other side of the family cannot seem to see when it is happening under their very noses. Especially if that other party has been there through thick or thing. 2 years ago we had a break, she moved many states away. I am thinking that she stopped letting us see him because we stopped loaning her money and/or because I called her out on what she was doing to her son. They just want everyone to get along. LIfe lesson: Make sure you marry someone that is in the habit of speaking up when neededit will affect you in a whole bunch of different areas in your marriage and life. my boyfriends dad killed himself and im not sure if i my boyfriends family is pushing us apart. The lightbulb finally came on that my husband was emotionally abusive, financially abusive and beginning to get physically abusive. Im sure of it. I think your family is supposed to be there for you. Someone who gets off on power and control. You are literally piling judgement and shame on people who have already lost a husband (yes we grieve even though we decided to leave) and pretty much their whole family. I know this is an old blog post but this is exactly how Im feeling and exactly what I am going through. While taking 20 year olds around the world on trips At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. J well that may be your perception of the situation, but generally people do not dump because they are with a good man or father.relationships are intricate and NO ONE other than the 2 people in the relationship KNOW what the TRUTH is between them. It drives me crazy. But Jesus Christ I was in that grown man shoes trust me. Ive heard many stories from the middle of the situation, the little lies the subtle manipulations, the jealousy the list goes on and rarely just from one side! A big issue for me is I feel my new partner isnt fully moving on, has the best of both worlds, and in turn this is leaving me a bit deflated. Is it better than before? I came across this post because this was bothering me so much and wondered if others thought this was normal? Now mind you my mother has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, and yet she chooses to leave my ex the house. I tried to work on us. you are divorced because this man has hurt you so by your family hanging out with him and being okay with him, is the same thing as saying he was okay to hurt you. I dont know how or feel the strength to be done with them. Stupid people are people who talk about things that they really dont know anything about, they Dont know about It by the way a formal education and they dont know anything about it by way of experience. Family loyalty is twisted and tricky all channelled towards leading you towards depression but be wise.consider your family as your number one enemy and adjust your trust issues. I suspect thats part of the reason he wont leave my family alone. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. Youre only hurting your kids, your emotions are not facts, I hope this narcissistic injury hurts, and you owe your ex more money than you could ever afford because youre probably too scared to break a nail or get a job. We love him. Your last sentence says it all. So it is extremely bothersome the lip service my family is doing on top of everything else. IDK what the deal is but its absurd. They wont see it that way until you can communicate that. Most of us actually split from narcissists which is why when we have seen the truth, find it so upsetting our families still believe the lie! My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. It looks as though I am already being alienated from my niece and nephew and blamed for causing emotional stress for them and feel manipulated into returning to toe the line. Oh well. I guess thats the point; find a way to drive a knife in me. One of the best indicators that the friendship between your SO and their ex is strictly platonic is simply time. The other thing I didnt see any of you mention, is that the OP is in need of some serious counseling. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. They can still be pleasant to him but that is all. After all you are their family & they should respect & honor your feelings on the matter. That should be the major factor in this situation. I so badly wanted them to pick sides but thats not the right thing to do. Accept it. A family fallout last year saw my brother not even meet up with me when he was holidaying close to my home. Yet he is more important than my feelings. Be bigger and stronger just turn the other cheek and enjoy your life less him and his games. The same goes for friends. Children suffer when parents decide they want to blow yo their family. But that is what narcissist do. We also offer aProfessional Directoryfeaturing family lawyers, divorce financial analysts, accountants, therapists, and other divorce-related services. My family is highly toxic , mentally ,physically abusive . You deserve a supportive family and are not alone in this. He also said that he felt like he was married to a good friend and . I didnt speak to my dad or sister for 2 years after the divorce after hearing from my daughter how they were all going out for meals and drinks together. You see, I love my ex-wife and never wanted the divorce. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges - he says "to keep things amicable." Because I didnt speak and didnt know he was doing this, my friends and family are no more. Anyway, I feel very good about nicely turning him down. This happened to me for about 6 months, I havent had children yet, but my ex grown close to my family after five years of dating which is understandable. Its like she cant move on. I was invited to this small wedding but my ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle. My ex used my mom to call my new gf and plant dated information about my past. I NEVER ever thought I would be giving up the family traditions and relationships I had worked to build and nurture. So sorry to hear I am not alone. I still have to tell my daughter that even though they are aware of what he did to her, they invited him to the weddings that we will now be unable to attend and try to explain something I dont understand myself. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. Her advice, I need to focus on my kids succeeding and pull myself together because I am all they have and to break ties with them forever as they will only continue to cause me more hurt. It hard, its frustrating and it hurts. Thats disrespectful to you and makes it seem as though they are still a couple. I have since found out that my ex forged legal documents when we first moved in together so if we split before marriage I wouldnt have had anything. He might slouch or be unkempt, only to suddenly straighten up and fix his clothes and hair when he notices you're near. Look no further as much as love you family, consider them as number one enemy to your peace and happiness. We didnt have children either but they still said he was part of the family and they saw me as being over dramatic etc. It is something that I can very much relate with! And family is so important, too important to toss away lightly. Whatever you do dont become negative or complain about things. My parents split and remarried me and my siblings were brought up with warring, immature adults and so unless people get ill or educated why should there be any need for enlightenment and change? Its mean and very hurtful. Until you start to put the pieces together and confronting them and they start behaving threateningly such as tampering with your car, locking you out of your home, emptying bank accounts, making threats, stalking etc etc. She even calls her "Mom." They have been broken up for over a year, and he says they no longer communicate. This is almost certainly why they are not interested in or respectful of your opinions. He made it his life goal to take away all my friends and some family members. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel no matter how painful it is or vulnerable you feel then you're being your true self with him. A few have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told. My ex gave my brother a job and him and my ex are always together. My ex-wife divorced me with no reason after 29 years of marriage. It is sick. I almost get the feeling that your family doesnt truly understand how hard it is for you. This is an old email thread but my ex left me and my baby who was 6months old at the time. But its been very weird lately with how his son been acting towards me. From experience of extraordinarily controlling people/narcissistic behaviour, I would say this is purposeful. Your better of and are lucky in ways you cant imagine, what if it where the opposite and you getting divorced meant you found out he never cared and fucked off entirely and made no effort to pay alimony/child support(unless there above 18) and didnt make an effort to know his children? Why should someone have to sever ties with their in-laws after divorce? That is HER family. Get it together, it has nothing to do with hate or maturity. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. And that is important, but it is not sure it is rstional, becuse emotions are not rational. Those kids have a good situation, especially because you have been strong so far. Something my ex said when we signed our divorce papers also implied his new partner was kinda fed up with the whole thing as well. My mom has gone as far as telling me thats it is my fault and Im at fault for the feelings I have, my family wanted nothing to do with my ex until the death of my twin. In fact, when they are WITH, for example, the father, he can let them see his side of his family as much as he wants. MY family STILL invites her to family functions, and 80% of the time she comes. You should ask yourself and be honest as to why you dont like being around him. Dislike! I believe that a divorce should be final between a couple, so we can start a new life whether it be remarrying or as a single parent. But now I havent seen him for 5 months as he is seeking full custody so doesnt want to do anything to hurt his case. I am going through the same thing with my family & soon to be ex-husband and its just so painful because your family doesnt see or refuse to understand that its an actual disorder. He has hit me, womanize, pushed me, spit on me, called me the worst names ever, lies, manipulates and ignores me and my needs on a constant basis. My ex-husband is doing something very similar. I was clear if it was going to be divorce then she could take anything she wanted I never wanted to see her again. You need to let them know that it bothers you and makes you uncomfortable. ", Yeah, then theres really something going on. Your boyfriend's family probably still want him and his ex to get back together. Thats why its called a DIVORCE you need to get them to understand that. You have right to feel upset that your family has not supported the boundaries you need which are to be able to be the only mother figure of your children when you are attending family events in a large group. Of course his new wife joined in with my family as well. God Bless You. I am sorry for your children but pleased they have a wonderful new family. You are a cup with a leak, a black hole, and anything good given to you is lost forever. And adult feelings NEED to be put aside for the sake of the children Sometimes youll have to eat crow but for the health and well-being of the children, its sooo worth it . Remarried now for 4 years. NOPE! I am 100% on your side. Now I know am not the only one, I got comforted though the situation is still the same. I havent went to my daughters bday parties that my ex and my mom throw together because my ex hates me. My ex was very controlling and mentally abusive and more personal reasons I dont care to share. They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. my family invited him to all family events and I was allowed but I had moved on and met someone and my new guy wasnt allowed at any family events. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy's mother is still in . I think you are confusing what the issue is. Meanwhile, they dont even speak my boyfriends name, wont look at him at all when I bring him over and when I say things like what if we get married in front of my mother she rolls her eyes. xx. Turning a blind eye means theyve taken a side. He himself called me to say he declined and felt it was strange. What my ex gets is justification for her turning a child against a parent, and for making the divorce process a nightmare and then getting free love and attention for her adult daughter from her grandmother.. Sure, she might have done some things that her family did not like. Its hard to understand how your own family can behave this way but unfortunately they do. She dumped him, just like the woman in the OP. They lie to me about where my ex is when he has my son bc he thinks its fun to alienate me and not tell me where he is with our 2 yr old or who he has him around and his family will lie to me in a heartbeat even when im pleading with them to tell me bx the ex wont answer any of my calls or texts when Im trying to call to tell my baby goodnight. but, SHE can introduce her new boyfriend to my ex a year before ever introducing him to me! How messy!! To this day Im still dealing with the exact same situation youre in. She had been like a daughter to me. His ex-wife is best friends with some family members, who, out of loyalty, cannot fully embrace me. However, he will be ensuring he is coming across as caring, great father. They have a child together and his ex believes she has a right to be at family functions just for the fact that her son is family and because they had been together for so many years. They need to back you up 100% and cut off all ties with your ex. She feels just as hurt as I do. You choose to break your marriage vows then you also choose to break the design and purpose of a marriage. Im sure they would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot. It has nothing to do with his ex. Yeah, hes still thinking about his ex. Again I feel like there is alot of missing info. I went along with it because the day was about my daughter but inside the whole time I was like dude STFU. What good does my family get out of these sporadic visits? I wont go to any of those functions because I can not be in the same room as my ex especially if he is with his girlfriend. The irony of things ha! Theyll be less likely to go the wrong direction in life, because of all the love and attention they receive from so many people. The ex family does not request friends with my siblings but my siblings request to be friends with my ex family. He and his family live in a bubble and he barely visited when they were growing up. I too have had to deal with a similar situation. This just isnt worth all the drama I am sorry but that is how i feel. She even has them out once or twice a summer for a barbecue and boat ride (they live on the lake). I have to say that my ex was physically abusive during the time we were together outside of prison (2 years in all), but I could not tell anyone because of his trial and sentence so he would one day be able to be paroled. She is extremely touchy and not fun to be with, though a good mother and a considerate person. This is absolutely crazy that your family would do this. I need that! He kept the house. I have never interfered with their marriage and have no intention to get involved now. I think its bizarre. Ive always been kind (as you are about your ex), and nothing has changed. This is my testimony about the marvelous work priest manuka did for me. She gives him outrageous gifts. After my sisters divorce, her X kept calling my on/off longtime boyfriend to hangout. The ex is in the same city, and they have known her since she was a teen, and she makes every effort to stop by and keep herself connected to the family on purpose. My mom is raising my 3 oldest children. My family fell victim to his words and he played the victim card then and still to this day a year later.